How to single-handedly load an impala carcass
This is a comical report on how to, when the very occasion arrives, a female Wildlife ACT monitor, can load an adult male impala carcass (used to feed animals in boma conditions or for call ups) from the cool room onto the vehicle alone. Please note that this method has been tried and tested by me and has room for improvement.
Step 1: Stare at carcass hanging in cool room for a long time pondering how to go about this epic move. When a carcass is hung it is usually hung by it’s back legs by a single hook which is, for the shorter than average height person, high above your head.
Step 2: Tie a rope around the hooked leg and sling the rope over the bar. Pull down on rope whilst lifting carcass up, this in theory will unhook the leg and allow the carcass to be placed on the ground.
Step 3: Huff, puff and muster the motivation to carry on with the task. This may be done at any volume using any variety of words used in any language.
Step 4: Standing on the hind legs of the carcass pull it upright into a standing position whilst slinging the front legs over your shoulders. You are now perfectly poised to dance, please note this may be slightly awkward if the impalas head is missing, it takes away the intimacy of the moment.
Step 5: Dance, shuffle, drag and kick the back legs of your impala in the general direction of the car. This step may take a few minutes and may be hampered by the impalas temperature. It legs are too frozen they do not bend, if legs are not frozen enough the impala literally goes weak in the knees.
Step 6: Place the rear end of the impala (aka his buttox) on the tail gate of the vehicle and slowly allow it to fall backwards into the vehicle. I say slowly because if you just launch him in there his back legs tend to swing out and hit you in the unmentionables.
Step 7: Sit next to your impala huffing and puffing for a few minutes considering how ridiculous this whole process must have looked.
Written by: Zoë Luhdo (Wildlife monitor on Zululand Rhino Reserve, South Africa)